Machiavellian Trash

white gray frogs  see-saw in the night like fat wet balloons...  Meditative mornings over fast-coffee,  lit, and sober, fairly equally,  being someone who spends more money  on things like alcohol & marijuana  than rent, or car insurance, children's  clothes, erection resurrection pills,  what not.  losing marijuana, for instance: I thought  to reach for some last night, the second  part of a preroll -- to eventually relent,  believing  it missing.  ...which of course later proved  incorrect: about an inch & 1/2  of sativa hybrid/off for  that matter.  the gods, the fates, are finally   meant  to disturb whatever cold shadow of  peace, individuality, coherence   we think we've  won  for ourselves.  All right, then. Fuck off.  Here we go.  ****  

I'll talk (and write)  to sunset bugs while  the day is hot & alive.  matchstick ponies on  tiny legs made   of  tinier dreams: throw...  some amnesia in your paint  menthol coin (metal)  (not chocolate, this  time.)  this is a pistol.  I made it  from the other  one.  I used to   know this girl in Niagara Falls.  The steel balcony railing sits there without a word,  ...listening  to the terror  and joy  of this arresting moment.  **** 

he died when I was 31 (now circa 12 yrs. ago.)  it's fair, but I miss him so much.  I miss the smell of his skin, the dumb  sound of his voice...I have to think of him  every time  I touch my marrow.  we are slime become flesh become human  the critical mass of you expressed   as  a sharp sound.  **** 

my father & I didn't talk very much.  there was a happy person bullied away  into a unique sort of madness,  confusing pain from previous winnings.  he could swing between contempt   for life itself  and  the kind of joy that can only die with flesh.  I don't think he ever deliberately   gave me advice, but his   existence  is advice more than pithy.  Okay.  He neither did drugs in any serious/ recreational way around me nor  really complained about  my doing so (I started cigarettes  around 8th Grade, most of  the rest soonafter. Okay.)  He didn't: have any close friends (ho ho) the whole                  30 yrs. of life I knew him;                   speak abusively to his wife (although                  he had rage issues) I remember, as a ...

Suffering rarely endures--and surely never thrives--  if confronted with wisdom, kindness, or  even modesty...according to  the Third Noble Truth of the Dharma.  Amusing it should be the third, no?  Time is a crazy burning magnet  wherein children are expected--or  at least considered--to witness  the maintenance & progress  of the world before and after  them. And the graveyard countenances  of citizens who've forfeited their every  good quality, chance: those beggars  were depleted by their own choice  first.  You can befriend such personas as vampires,  gypsy washladies stealing jewelry  wrapped in toilet paper, 7AM bicycle- riders dashing smilelessly into the challenge  of the day: there is no true/final limit here,  only directions, latitudes, points of reference  shifting...on some ephemeral chessboard of  entropic construction...only these origami replicas  of what mi...

There is no overwhelming demand or yearning for stories about waitresses, dental secretaries, male & female mechanics whose lives are neatly put away with the security of sane paths thru the world. Most entertainment, I think, for that matter is about being wild & distracting. It's up the author to discern the proper balance & rhythm--the story's intention--and try to explain that to someone who has no obligation to believe them (I). Vonnegut said this in other words. So does the Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but in other words. Everyone uses other words. Like the numbers are still changing. I've been sleeping in a sleepingbag in the woods, now-late October, drinking brandy & beer for most of the day, after coffee at Burger King in the morning, admiring the sunlight in the glass & 44/55 outside...as the music could be better, many things could be better as the concrete day scrapes along towards winter and time fails to coherently and persuasively make...